Jake's words keep replaying in my mind like a broken record. I hadn't thought about it like that, but he was right. Sometimes I need to hear something...over and over and over before it finally seeps through my stubborn skull. He said a lot of things to me today. Things that were very hard to hear. Things that stung. Why did you leave him if you were going to continue to live as if he is still hurting you every day? You can't control what he did, but you can control how you let it affect you.I. Lots of motivation there. Or he sang to his Mom. His Mother, for cripe's sake. Yeah, she was pretty, and she had a good body, what anyone could see of it underneath the jackets and pants she always wore -- but she was his MOM!Oh, and he was supposed to be the heartthrob, too. The one the girls swooned over. Only they seemed to spend an awful lot of gigs singing to old folks or preschoolers. And when they did get an audience with at least a few girls who were somewhere between almost old enough. He took the submissive thing to heart and went to down right docile everywhere but on the football field. When Leigh broke up with him over it, he didn't put up a fight.I still don't think he really gets what too far is - his own tolerance for abuse is far too high, what I have to do to get him is scary. I have actually gotten him to say 'peanut butter' twice since spring break. Once I almost made him do it anyway.About a week before some school dance, during study hall, Lisa Hunter sits down. " His ever calm tone was almost infuriating now. I shook my head, a little too hard, it made my neck spasm in pain, I gasped and leaned back into my pillows again. "it's okay that you don't remember, it will come back to you. Try to rest now. I will bring you something to eat in a few hours."I watched him walk out of the room through the door with the small window. As he left I suddenly started feeling very alone. I tried to remember anything I could, but I couldn't think of anything. I looked.
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